Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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