The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
