I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
