whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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