thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
