Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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