My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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