New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
