We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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