I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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