so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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