meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
