My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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