I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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