Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
