every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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