Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
