Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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