look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
