Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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