Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
