And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize