So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
