Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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