is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
