fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i think i just lost a toe
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
