It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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