I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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