Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
