Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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