I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
