Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
