I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
