My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
