Barsexuality is the new black.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He did a backflip because drugs
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize