is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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