there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
