If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You don't make any sense
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