I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
