I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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