and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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