it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
