I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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