doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
