the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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