THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
