You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
