Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
