11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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