I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
