Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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