Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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