Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
