Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
