Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
