You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
