It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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