Princesses don't give blow jobs
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
