his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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