Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
