i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
