Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
