nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
