Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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