we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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